Why Chapstick Absolutely Pisses Me Off

Nothing… and I mean NOTHING is more frustrating than, yes, CHAPSTICK, of all things. It’s such an essential product yet it is absolutely infuriating!

You never have it when you need it. I will literally carry chapstick on me every single day whether in a jacket pocket or in my purse but the one day I forget a jacket and my purse is the only day of the entire year that I actually need chapstick.

It’s like gum when you pull it out of your pocket. Nobody else felt the need to put on some chapstick until you started too and then, all of a sudden, nobody has there’s and everybody wants to use yours. You can’t say no without looking like a terrible person so you let them use it while you do everything that you can not to visibly grimace as you pray that none of them have mono.

There’s no such thing as “a little bit” of chapstick. Going to see my boyfriend I always have this panic moment, “Oh shoot! I can’t ruin my ‘I haven’t seen you in so long because we are in an awful long distance relationship so good to see you kiss’ by having dry lips. Unfortunately, I only remember this when I’m about 90 seconds from pulling into his driveway meaning that I have to put on the chapstick and then dab it away like a lipstick that’s too bright. Usually resulting in some sort of weird lint stuck to my lips… kiss = ruined.

When you pull your clothes out of the wash and you see those red smears. Awh shoot, I forgot my chapstick in the pocket of some pair of jeans and it melted all over all the whites. (Dang, should have listened to mom and washed all of those separately in the first place but she doesn’t need to know that!)

They magically disappear. Did someone steal my chapstick? People don’t actually do that, do they? I mean, that’s like stealing my saliva. I just got kissed raped….? OH MY GOSH CALL THE COPS!!!

They are impossible to finish. If by chance you have the luck Lone Survivor Chapstick and it never goes through the wash and it never gets lost it’s impossible to finish it and get to the next one. Seriously though, Santa Claus gives me like 4 tubes every single Christmas, all in fun and magical colors. The down side though? They can join the line up of say 40 other chapsticks that have been rummaged out of my stocking in the wee early hours of Christmas Day.

When you realize the disgusting line of film right at the edge of the cap. If you haven’t noticed it yet you are going to now. Take one good hard look at that nastiness and you will feel disinclined to use your chapstick for a while. You’ll never notice this on your own personal chapstick, it’ll be just like that one time you borrow your friends (because you don’t know where yours is and when they started to put theirs on you were reminded that your lips too, were needing some moisture) that you notice the disgusting filth that is the calling card of their pocket. Lint? Hay? Who knows what?

At the end of the day though, chapstick is our best friend and you are going to always have it on you! And these small grievances are nothing compared to the thought of having to get through a day with chapped lists because that is one of the most first-world-awful tortures that you can experience!

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