When you go through a big breakup, one of those Hollywood or Nicholas Sparks worthy heartbreaks, life is really hard.
I think that the worst part about a serious break up with someone that you thought was going to be your future is that you doubt yourself. You begin to doubt not only the talents you were most proud of, whether that was cooking, sewing, being funny, or whatever, but you begin to doubt that you can even exist and that’s a horrible feeling.
I had the epiphany that this happens to individuals after I had a really bad break up of my own. I spent a large amount of time in negativity, a dark hole that was easy for me to fall into, before I went out to a big western rodeo event with my older sister and as we were walking around a couple things happened.
For starters two older couples stopped to tell me that I was beautiful; but she was prettier, I responded in my head.
Then a creepy older gentleman told me I could sit at their table all night so that he could just stare at me; You would say that to any girl, I retorted in my head.
Then a young cowboy asked me to dance, then another, and another; It’s just because they can see that I won’t step on their feet, I rationalized.
Then walking back to our place for the night two separate cars singled me out of the group and called attention to me, trying to get my phone number or get my name.
At this point I just turned to my sister in disbelief. “Am I pretty?” I asked in absolute wonderment. It genuinely shocked and surprised me.
What is going on? I kept thinking to myself.
My sister turned around and said, “I’ve always known you were pretty, it just makes me happy that enough other people are finally getting vocal about it that you are starting to listen.”
Our world is not a build-up world, it is a tear-down world. We don’t compliment people on their good attributes, instead we give these back handed compliments that sound more like insults but if you REALLY listen they MAY have meant them as a compliment.
“For Pete’s sake, eat some food – you’re too skinny!”
“Heels?! Aren’t you tall enough already or do you just want to rub it in? You do look nice though…”
“Really? Chocolate? You’re going to eat chocolate? Probably just because you can.”
Promise yourself that you’ll always know your worth, that you should never doubt who you are and your significance on this world. If you are ever having a REALLY GOOD day, write yourself some notes. Put them in sealed envelopes and number them. When you have a bad day, read those messages that you wrote to yourself when you were feeling on top of the world. The kind of “on top of the world” that a bully of an employer or some significant other can never break down.
I know this because I used to do the opposite. I lived in such a negative world of self-hate that I would write myself notes about how horrible I was so that when good things happened I could read them to remind myself that I didn’t deserve them, that they would go away, and so much more. To this day I have a large collection of the mean things people say about me online and in person. It’s this awful game I play with myself. I started to keep two positives for every negative and it’s been slowly changing. This self-image that I hold for myself.
What really is pretty?
Pretty is about who you are on the inside, not what you are on the outside, and NOBODY controls who you are on the inside but YOU.
You. Are. Pretty.