Alright! I’m sorry!
I’ve literally taken a 3 month hiatus from my blogging and it has been nagging at me day in and day out. I know that no one else is sitting around waiting for me to write because, as of right now, nothing is THAT exciting in my life. I guess I have been trying to determine what direction my blog should take over the next few months. I originally wanted to keep this anonymous.
I don’t associate my blog with any of my social media sites because I didn’t want that violation of privacy but I think the end of my superhero (I wish right?) anonymity is about to come to an end. I was wondering what your guys’ thoughts were on what I should do next.
I am going to be trying out for a rodeo queen pageant, as I am sure you guys picked up on when I discussed the rodeo queen pageant judging post. I want to share my adventures as I go but I think that the big pivotal moment is when I make the “Big Announcement” to the social media world about me trying out. I think that my explanation of why I am doing what I am doing, after being a naysayer for so long, is the reason why the blog will have to come out in the open as I need an outlet to be able to write my answers to the millions questions I am sure people are going to ask and think.
I am nervous about this next venture.
I have lived my whole life able to hide in the shadow of my teammates. Even when I was the superstar of my own sports teams, I was able to portion the success or failure off as a whole. This is me. All on me. It faces my biggest struggles; modeling, having my picture taken, being the center of attention, and so much more. It SCARES me. I can’t explain it to you, I have a panic attack just thinking about having my picture taken. I just want to turn away and hide.
I have done that way too much though. It’s time that I faced my fears and finally stopped sitting in the corner of my room daydreaming about what my life COULD be and go make something happen before I give myself enough excuses for it not to work.
I think the scarier thing than winning the title though, is losing it. Failure is my biggest fear. I feel as if I have had a lot of failure in the past 3 years or so, basically ever since graduating high school. My high school failures were always that “the guy” didn’t like me, no one asked me out, and all those other reasons; I just marked it off as God was saving my time for the one who was worth it. He was and that affirmation has gone on to prove that God has given me a lot of great opportunities, he allowed me to follow my dreams for as long as possible but now my task is to use those skills that he taught me through sports and apply them to something new.
I lived through my entire high school career looking towards college, never living in the moment and living for the future. College sports was not what I thought it was going to be though and I highly regretted those wasted high school years. I can’t help but wonder that if, just maybe, I had spent some time really enjoying the moment in high school then I would have been more successful in college. I am going to live every second of this preparation for pageant as if it is the only thing I have because, quite frankly, it could be. There are many other fantastic and amazing young woman who are going to be vying for the title that I am and they are, honestly, probably more qualified in the sense of the typical rodeo queen. That’s okay! I’m uniquely me and I’m very excited about this adventure of becoming a well-rounded, classy, butt-kicking, healthy and fun-loving cowgirl that God is going to put me on.
So everybody, get ready for a whirlwind of adventure!